Last evening's federal leaders debate was indeed a performance worthy of commemoration in an epic poem. In response to each question, each of them was able to effectively parry, dodge, thrust and spin in a flurry of verbal movement that employed words to soar into a vacuum and then return to equilibrium in exactly the same state before the exchange. In politics, words are merely a transition from one fixed political point to the same fixed political point without losing anything in the journey. In other words, rolling politicians gather no moss.
While no one came off particularly badly in the exchanges, no one did particularly well either. Their deflector shields held up reasonably well in the face of repeated political phaser blasts and photon torpedos and they all managed to limp back to Starbase with their warp drives intact. Still, each of them managed to convey a lasting impression that can be best summarized by the awarding of prizes to recognize the salient point of their performance.
The I Am the Moderator and You are Not Prize
This of course goes not to any of the leaders but to Shachi Kurl of Angus Reid who as moderator asked most of the questions and was rather zealous in asking questions and enforcing the time limits. At times it appeared as if she was one of the debaters.
The Deer Caught in Headlights Prize
This goes to Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau for expressions that managed to convey that the debate world around him was not unfolding as it should. All of a sudden, the idea dawned that perhaps an election in the middle of a pandemic given the government was already able to do whatever it wanted was not the best of ideas.
The Drunken Uncle at Sunday Dinner Prize
This goes to Bloc Quebecois leader Yves-Francois Blanchet for what was probably the most candid and entertaining performance of all, as he said whatever he wanted because after all, despite being at a federal leader's debate, he does not want to lead Canada.
The Cheshire Cat Prize
Well, the winner here is Conservative leader Erin O'Toole for interspersing his delivery with a wide and constant ear to ear grin. The smile was not enigmatic at all however but an indication that he felt relieved the universe was indeed unfolding as best as it could be expected to under the circumstances.
The Enemy of Billionaires Prize
Who else can this be but NDP leader Jagmeet Singh who believes all of Canada's fiscal needs can be met by taxing billionaires. To his credit, Mr. Singh is numerate and he knows that there are currently 44 billionaires in Canada. I would expect the number to decline should his party form the government.
The School Teacher Prize
And finally, this prize goes to Green Party Leader Annamie Paul who in cool calm and measured terms tried to calm the room of errant school children with educating answers. One wonders if this approach will work with the rest of the Green Party?
And there you have it. It really is the end of civilization as we know it.
